Whoops! I Saw Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

Eventually, it must begin to wane. The Star Trek franchise didn't have a strong start, but it certainly began to pick up in pace thanks to the still magnificent second entry The Wrath of Khan. Thanks to the success of that film, Star Trek was able to move on to more endevours such as the far less superior Search for Spock and The Voyage Home, a much better follow-up to close out the "death of Spock" story arch. So, where do we go from there? They've already blown the living shit out of the original Enterprise, one of the landmark moments in Search for Spock. If Star Trek II had "KHAAAAANN!!" and Search for Spock had "My God, Bones, what have I done?" then Star Trek V: The Final Frontier has "I don't want my pain taken away! I need my pain!" Well, sir, I certainly don't after this.

Star Trek is always known for its rollercoaster of quality throughout the entries of the franchise, but there can be no argument. Star Trek V: The Final Frontier is not only the worst entry in the film franchise, it's one of the worst entries of anything Star Trek related. Yes, I'm talking about including Voyager. I'll even include the animated series. We find Kirk and company aboard the new Star Trek Enterprise NCC-1701-A, which should be a landmark showcase for this film. Unfortunately, she's ill-equipped to do much of anything. Running on less than a skeleton crew, the new Enterprise is merely a showboat and not ready for any real action. So now, like so many episodes, we depend on the crew to entertain us. Bad call.

Sybok, Spock's retcon'd half-brother, appears with a plan to force the crew of the Enterprise to the center of the Universe, where he believes is where "Heaven" and "God" rest. Of course, his ramblings are thought of as lunacy and how could they not be? No one's ever been because no one's ever tried? So, the Enterprise has to go to Heaven to confront God about... something? Oh, that explains The Final Frontier. This isn't the last film (thankfully), it's just a literal metaphor. Where no man has gone before. What better place to go than Heaven? Really, what's after that? Afterwards you've pretty much done everything, right? The entire story feels so hokey and hackneyed, lacking any real intensity from the previous entries in the series. I never really felt any distress for any of the characters. At some point, it just felt like a self-parody.

Wacky hijinks ensue as Kirk and Bones try to bring Spock into a campfire singalong without much luck and Scotty knocks his head against an overhang before falling flat on his back. I'm sure I lost my shit as a child, giggling my ass off, but now my eyes were audiably rolling in my skull. Trek has shown quality comic relief before, why stoop to such levels now? Shatner's acting returns to full fledged insanity here, although I suppose that's what you get when you give him full reign and toss him into the director's chair. Let that be a lesson, don't put the captain in the captain's chair. Strike that. Don't put the captain in the captain's chair unless the outcome is A Fistful of Datas. Honestly, I would've rather watched Deanna Troi walk around in leather pants for two hours than watch The Final Frontier.

It's not much of a qualitative analysis, but at this point it's hard to critique this entry in the series. Far too much garbage for any one person, or any one trekkie for that matter, to handle. Even if you're curious, it's best to simply stay away and forget about this movie.

One Bee out of Five.

Last updated June 16, 2010 4:35pm
© 2009 Justin Thayer and Austin Starr. All rights reserved, sorry!